I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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