He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize