I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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