I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I supernannyed him into submission
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
