My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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