Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
