it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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