So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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