She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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