my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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