We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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