If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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