Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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