Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
