you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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