Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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