My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
