You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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