Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
