I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
