my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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