why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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