The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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