I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
