Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
