You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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