I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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