ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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