And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
