Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Found the puke drawer
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
