Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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