my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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