Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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