Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
