i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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