I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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