Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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