I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
