when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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