the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Found your dick twin last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
