when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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