i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
