sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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