drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
