he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm always down for nudity.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
