i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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