the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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