Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Less talking, more tequila
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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