You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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