and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
