I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
