took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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