So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
this hospital has no fireball
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
