I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
