Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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