happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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