I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
