Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
