I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
