I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
