I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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