I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
