she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
