Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
